I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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