I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
