You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
