My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize