The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
