I'm lost and stupid without you.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
