You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
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