I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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