Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
