thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
