just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
