my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
