i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
