Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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