I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize