you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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