Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize