There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
