I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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