I look better un-naked...
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
50% drunk capacity currently
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
