her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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