almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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