I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
