I like my sex mixed with concussions.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
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