He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
