why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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