I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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