i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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