The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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