lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
im six kinds of drunk right now
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
All I want is dick and wine.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize