he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
