I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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