we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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