I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i think my mom watched the whole time
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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