The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
