woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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