distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
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