Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
