if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
