It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
