I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
