Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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