Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
if only i could text you this smell
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
you win again, gameday.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Randomize
