I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
tequila makes me forget i have legs
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
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