then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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