Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
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