I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize