Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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