He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
