which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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