just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
