there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
