why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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