chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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