dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
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