I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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