Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I enjoy the company of your penis
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