talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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