Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
