i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
