New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
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