it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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