you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
