They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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