would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
