I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
