She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
