Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
