First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
