By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize