Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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