you guys were way drunker than both of me
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
sarcasm needs its own font
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
