I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
