One girl and one boy is just not enough.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I can't put those talents on a resume
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize