it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize