is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
You need a sexual gate keeper
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
