You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
