I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
