Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Randomize
