Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
