i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
